Luscious Temptations

There are lots of ways to be conned whilst abroad. But lunch in the A&C mall ought to be fairly innocuous. In the 2 weeks I'd been away new places had sprung up. Like Luscious Temptations. Turned out to be not so luscious, hardly a temptation. The name should have been a warning. And the plush decor, booths, wooden panelling, Heinz ketchup and tabasco on every table. Very TGI/Frankie and Benny-esque. The copy cat menu: potato skins, fish fingers, apple pie, brownies, Cranberry juice.. All a veneer for something it wasn't. The cranberry juice was too watery. Then the fish fingers arrived without fries. 6 goujons stacked in a tower for 12 cedi. I cut into the first. I had to saw through it. I tried the second, same thing. Third time lucky. With each portion came generous pots of sauces. No fries. The fries arrived as an after thought when I prompted it and the menu was double checked. Ah yes, the tower of fish isn't just served by itself. 12 cedi for 6 lumps of fish, of which only a third were edible. That was taken away and I was given my pick of something else on the menu. A cheese sandwich. Safe option? A toasted sandwich filled with stir fried vegetables and feta cheese appeared. Not a happy food marriage. But this time they remembered the fries.

 

With it being international women's day, we thought we'd treat ourselves to dessert. We should have known better. Crumbly apple pie, with a creamy custard was the description on the menu. The pie arrived. In place of the slice, maybe with a crumble topping and custard was what looked like a meat pastie covered in aerosol cream. At this point we were in hysterics. As we started to eat, strange orange pieces were discovered in the filling. Maybe remnants of the meat filling that could have plausibly been scraped from the pastry casing to make room for the apple.

 

I am not one to post moany food reviews. But this place annoyed me because it is trying too hard to be something it wasn't, giving the illusion of high quality food on the menu when they are probably defrosting things in the freezer. And charging UK prices for awful awful food.

 

The owner assured us we would not be disappointed next time and took the apple pie off the bill. And the fish fingers. If there is a next time. Otherwise they'd make a good candidate for kitchen nightmares. At least Gordon wouldn't need to refurbish. Koffee Lounge, we will be faithful to you next time.